Working with Backdraft

When we give ourselves love, sometimes we remember all the conditions under which we were unloved. When we open to our pain, feelings we’ve repressed for a lifetime may rise up and overwhelm us.

What is Tender Self-Compassion?

While fierce self-compassion takes action to alleviate suffering, tender self-compassion taps into the power of acceptance to heal distress. When we can simply “be with” ourselves as we are, soothing and validating our pain, we handle difficult moments with greater ease. By radically accepting ourselves and opening to the pain of life with tenderness, it doesn’t hurt so badly.

Balancing Fierce and Tender Self-Compassion

Tender self-compassion is the gentle, nurturing side of caring that provides comfort and self-acceptance when we struggle. Fierce self-compassion is the powerful, action-oriented side of caring that provides strength, motivation and self-protection. Problems emerge when they get out of balance: Tenderness without fierceness can lead to complacency, and fierceness without tenderness can become hostile or aggressive.

What is Fierce Self-Compassion?

Fierce self-compassion can propel us to stand up for and protect ourselves, meet our own needs without continually subordinating them, and motivate change both in ourselves and the world around us. Like yin and yang, tender and fierce self-compassion must be balanced and integrated for wholeness and wellbeing.