Empathic Distress

Self-compassion plays a crucial role for caregivers.  Whether you’re a parent, caring for your elderly parents, or are a professional like a nurse, doctor, social worker, or therapist, you need to turn compassion inward in order to sustain turning it outward.

One of the downsides of caring for others is empathic distress. Our evolved capacity for empathic resonance means that when we are in the presence of others in emotional or physical pain, we feel their pain. Over time this secondary pain can be draining and lead to burnout.

Burnout is exacerbated by the stress that often accompanies caregiving, and the frustration that we can’t always help our charges as much as we would like.

It’s essential that we learn to have self-compassion for the challenges of caregiving so that our cup doesn’t run dry. 

Some people think that it’s selfish for caregivers to have self-compassion.  Shouldn’t every drop of love and care available to use be given to others?  This view is based on a misconception – that compassion is a limited resource.   As if we only have five units of compassion so if we give three to ourselves, we’ll only have two left over for others.

It doesn’t work that way.  The more compassion flows inward the more that’s available to flow outward.  The way that we build the energy and stamina to care for others is by acknowledging the difficulty of caregiving, remembering we aren’t alone and giving ourselves kindness and support.

Empathic resonance also goes two-ways, meaning that those we care for will resonate with our compassionate state of mind and benefit from our presence.

I’ve recorded a 7-minute practice called Compassion with Equanimity.

The practice is designed to be used while caring for others who are suffering.  In our research on the Self-Compassion for Healthcare Communities program – six weeks of self-compassion training for healthcare professionals – we found that gains in self-compassion due to practices such as this one reduced burnout and feelings of disconnection while increasing job satisfaction. 

I hope you give it a try.