Preview these archived questions:
How has self-compassion influenced your perceptions of success and failure in your professional endeavors?
Self compassion is newer to me . I still struggle to practice it at times.
I have mostly done well professionally many times pushing myself hard which creates anxiety.
And the last couple years, I suffered some set backs a year after going through a divorce.
I felt like I was about to break .
My counselor had told me that the corporate system can be very unfair and your ‘best’ may never be enough and they cautioned placing my worth in my career.
Self. Compassion has helped me at times although my mind tends to forget about it.
Because of past trauma I am used to being self critical.
One question I have for the folks here is how do we use self compassion around money and personal finance?
This is an area I am very hard on myself.
I find exercising self-compassion particularly difficult in the professional sphere, as I had certain advantages early in life that meant I would be expected to ‘succeed’ in the world of work. However, I have done merely ‘OK’ in my professional life…partly because a big part of me doesn’t recognise the mainstream equation of success with earning a lot of money or receiving a lot of approbation. Part of me does recognise this however, and so these two parts are consistently at war with each other.
Self-compassion, when I exercise it, begins to allow me to have solidarity with the former part of me, the part that is in tune with my own values, and not with the (honestly often toxic) values of mainstream society – those that align more with greed and narcissism than they do with genuine growth.
One thing that helped me get started on writing today was imagining that no one liked the finished piece. So it failed.
Then noticing the thoughts and feelings and using a version of Russ Harris’s Dropping Anchor to accept those thoughts and feelings.
Then I asked “Am I alone in feeling this way?” The answer was “No. Many people have similar thoughts and feelings.”
And next, I asked “What can I say to be kind to myself?”
I don’t remember the words but they were encouraging.
Next thing I know my fingers are moving along the keyboard 🙂
inspired by Kristin Neff’s work as well as by Steven Hays (ACT approach), I have tried to take more risks recently , as I practice to tolerate unpleasant feelings of potential failures; I also to practice self-compassion, reminding myself that whatever I am trying to pursue/accomplish is a process of trials/errors. I try to be proud for having the courage face my fears.
Are there ways that you try to incorporate self-compassion practices into your daily routine to manage stress and pressure at work?
I have been using mindful breathing and self-compassion statements (meta?) to relieve anxiety around issues at work. I am also trying to understand fierce self-compassion in the context of speaking up to bias as I see it directed at my self from the director of my department. I am looking for feedback about fierce self-compassion. I’ve initiated a grievance through our title IX office and at times I am very anxious about what this action means. On the one hand I think I am doing it out of self-respect and other times I think I should just keep my mouth shut and my head down as I look for another position in a very professionally limited rural job market.
It’s meaningful yet often exhausting to care for family members such as aging parents. How has self-compassion (or lack of self-compassion) impacted feelings of caregiver fatigue and burnout in your family life?
I get tired when all falls on me when they are others who and should help but don’t. My actions are almost always taken for granted and more is expected
This makes so much sense!
My parents are ageing and have a lot of their own issues from their own upbringing.
As a adult child, it’s emotionally exhausting for me to want to be there for them and still try to maintain boundaries to ensure my emotional health.
I find caregiving aging parents both rewarding and exhausting. It’s no breeze when my unintegrated child parts get triggered and I have to try to make space for both my parent who and what triggered them and the child part, it expands my compassion abilities but sometimes it feels like I’m not able to do it, especially when I’m very stressed.
Anyone else feel the overwhelm? As a single mom of 2 teenagers, I feel exhausted pretty much all the time. It’s a daily practice to remind myself I am not alone and take care of me too.
Do you tend to be particularly hard on yourself as a parent? How might self-compassion help you deal with the stress of parenting?
I resonate with what the other participants have said. I am trying so hard to break generational cycles, with no support, while healing my own heart from a difficult childhood and, yet, I keep trying, even when I make mistakes. I have compassion for myself but it’s hard not worry the reverberation a “mistake” may have, especially with information overload on attachment, childhood trauma, Gabor Maté, gentle parenting accounts, etc… I would like to learn how to trust that my son will have a safe, healthy and happy life.
I’m so glad there is a space for self compassion and parenting!
I continue to struggle with feelings of unworthiness and this is particularly true with parenting. Because of my own upbringing I live with the intense worry that my son will not feel loved unconditionally by me or that I will somehow, inevitably and irrevocably harm him. This means I monitor and analyze every word, tone of voice and behavior I do with him to the point that I can’t let go and enjoy him which makes me tremendously sad. Everyone tells me I’m doing a really great job but inside I’m extremely anxious about it and find it very hard to forgive myself for any misstep. As time goes on, I worry even more that I’m missing out on experiencing the beauty and joy of him and his childhood. I just started reading Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance and I hope with continued self compassion practice that someday I’ll realize and believe that I’m good enough now. Love to everyone.
This is an area that is particularly hard for me. I’ve had so much of my identity wrapped up in being a “good” parent that when I do make mistakes, I feel it deep in my gut. I feel paralyzed. How could I???? Even worse, for most of my adult life I have worked as an advisor to other parents who are struggling with raising teens, and used my advanced degree in this arena to help others. Sooo, my initial reaction is quite strong….. but then I come around and think about all the other parents I have coached, and I can relate to them. I see myself in them and find comfort in our human humanity. After the emotional roller coaster is over, I find it actually helps me connect to my work, and even my son quite a bit to know that I am imperfect and still invested.
Anonymous
September 20, 2024