Common humanity, suffering, and belonging

There are three core elements of compassion (turned inward or outward): mindful awareness of suffering; kindness and concern for the alleviation of suffering; and recognition of the common humanity of suffering.  I would like to focus on the third element, especially as it relates to the recent US election. 

People’s reactions to the election are strikingly different. Some are feeling happy or relieved, believing that the US has been on the wrong track and that things will now get better.  Others are despondent and fearful for the future of American democracy and the planet, or worried about reproductive rights, or frightened for the safety of their loved ones in the immigrant or queer communities.

For those who are experiencing distress over the election results, the first step is to give yourself compassion for your pain and remember that you aren’t alone. Millions of people are having similar reactions and feelings. Can you be warm and supportive with yourself right now, validating your distress and connecting with the care and concern that’s driving it?

If you like, you can do a meditation called Giving and Receiving Compassion (above) that will help compassion flow both inward and outward.

The next step, when we’re ready to take it, will be to try to learn from what’s happened. We may want to explore whether there are ways to create a sense belonging for those who have been historically oppressed and excluded that don’t feed into feelings of alienation for the mainstream. I don’t have answers for how to move forward, but I do know that our inquiry needs to be rooted in our shared humanity.

The common humanity component of compassion recognizes that all people experience pain and suffering.  We don’t all suffer in the same way or to the same degree, and the causes and conditions that create our suffering are multiple, varied, and complex. The ways in which and the extent to which people experience feelings of alienation, structural inequality, discrimination, economic insecurity, trauma, oppression, or marginalization are different. But compassion understands that everyone struggles in some form or another. It also acknowledges that all suffering – even if expressed in ways that are unskillful – is worthy of attention and concern. 

Unlike self-pity, which says poor me, self-compassion says poor us. As we work through our feelings about the election and focus on where to go from here, common humanity can help us remember that it’s not us versus them.  It’s only us. 

I wish everyone well at this time of transition, with hopes for a brighter future for all.