Reparenting Ourselves with Self-Compassion

Some of us are fortunate enough to have had caring parents who met our needs consistently while growing up (I count myself as one of the lucky ones.)

Many of us, however, had parents who struggled with their own daemons and may not have been able to be there for us in consistent manner.

The tendency to be compassionate with ourselves as adults is partly shaped by whether we had “secure attachment” to our parents as children, meaning we felt safe and could rely on them for nurturing and support when needed.

The good news is that even if we did not feel secure with our parents when we are young, we can develop secure attachment as adults by intentionally practicing self-compassion.

In many ways, self-compassion can be seen as a way of reparenting ourselves.  We learn to value our own needs and meet them consistently. We are warm, loving, and encouraging with ourselves when we struggle or feel inadequate.

Eventually, our sense of self shifts so that we feel worthy of the love and care that may have been lacking as children. 

Tender self-compassion taps into this nurturing energy. Kindness manifests as love, gentleness and warmth when we struggle.

Recognition of common humanity provides a sense of connection with others who also experience suffering. Mindfulness gives us the perspective needed to present with our difficulties, rather than ignoring or getting lost in them. When we hold our pain in loving, connected presence, we begin to heal.

I’ve created a 5-minute practice called the Tender Self-Compassion Break that you can download here.  It will help you embody loving, connected presence as an ideally compassionate parent would.