Mindfulness as a Foundation for Self-Compassion
Dear friends,
I’d like to talk about the ways that mindfulness and compassion are intertwined and support one another when we’re struggling. Mindfulness – defined here as being aware of one’s experience without becoming overly identified with or lost in it – is a core component of self-compassion. It is the necessary foundation which, when combined with kindness and a sense of common humanity, allows for a self-compassionate response to suffering.
Mindfulness is what allows us to turn toward and be with our pain. This may sound simple, but for most of us, it’s deeply counterintuitive. When discomfort arises—whether it’s sadness, anxiety, shame, or physical pain—our natural impulse is to avoid it, distract ourselves, or try to fix it right away. Mindfulness offers another path. It enables us to say, “This hurts, and it’s okay to feel it.” It grounds us in the present moment, so we aren’t so easily swept away by our difficult emotions.
The willingness to be present with our pain is the first step toward self-compassion. When we meet our suffering with mindful awareness—without judgment or resistance—we become more stable and are better able to respond to what’s happening rather than simply react. We stop running, and can instead face our distress with balance and clarity.
Once we’re mindful of what we’re experiencing, we can then offer ourselves warmth, soothing, and support, remembering that we aren’t alone. We can be a good friend to ourselves, and give ourselves what we need in the moment.
The good news is that self-compassion also helps us be mindful. The support offered by self-compassion helps us to feel safe and cared for, which in turn enables us to mindfully open to our pain even more fully. It provides the courage needed to take a stand and stay present even when our instinct is to run for the hills. It allows us to feel what we’re feeling, because we know we know we have our own back.
Mindfulness creates space, self-compassion creates warmth. Mindfulness provides clarity, self-compassion provides safety. Mindfulness says “this is hard right now.” Self-compassion says “how can I help?” The two mutually enhance each other.
The dance of mindfulness and compassion is especially powerful when encountering difficult emotions that tend to overwhelm us. I’m including a practice called Soften-Soothe-Allow that explicitly weaves together mindfulness and compassion in response to challenging feelings.
If you try the practice out, you’ll see how mindfulness provides the foundation needed to clearly see and give space to our pain, while self-compassion enables us to hold ourselves and our experience with warmth and acceptance. Like two wings of a bird, both are necessary to fly.
Warmly,
Kristin
