Guarding Ourselves with Love

A huge part of caring for ourselves means guarding ourselves from harm. This doesn’t mean we shut down our hearts, quite the opposite. It means that we open our hearts. But we also open our eyes to the potential of being drained of our time or energy in a way that depletes us.

We become aware of how we are being treated and consider whether we are being given the fairness and respect we deserve. We speak up or draw boundaries when needed to safeguard our wellbeing.

Sometimes we give our love and commitment to others at the expense of ignoring our own needs. Although there may be joy and fulfillment in giving, if we shortchange ourselves in the process we’re colluding in harm.

Giving is not always an equal exchange. Others may not be ready, willing or able to reciprocate. This occurs in families, romantic relationships, the workplace, even sometimes in friendships.

Having self-compassion means that like a momma bear with her cubs, we are vigilant about fairness, being treated with the kindness and consideration due to us.  We are wary of relationships that take more than they give. We can’t always choose our relationships, of course, especially our family members. But we can still approach these relationships with full knowledge of the fact that we are worthy of love, respect, and care, even though we may not always receive it.

The beauty of self-compassion is that it frees us from total dependence on others for consideration and care. It provides a sense of self-sufficiency that allows us to say no to that new relationship or request for our time and energy that is potentially harmful. It spurs us to say something when we are being mistreated, without worrying unduly about others‘ reactions.

When we can meet our own needs for love and connection on the inside – when we practice fierce self-compassion – we can be more selective about how we live our lives on the outside.

I’ve recorded a 15-minute guided visualization called Fierce Friend that will help you get in touch with this loving, protective energy. I hope you enjoy it.