What is Tender Self-Compassion?

While fierce self-compassion takes action to alleviate suffering, tender self-compassion taps into the power of acceptance to heal distress.

When we can simply “be with” ourselves as we are, soothing and validating our pain, we handle difficult moments with greater ease. By radically accepting ourselves and opening to the pain of life with tenderness, it doesn’t hurt so badly.

Tender self-compassion must always accompany fierce self-compassion and this balance lies at the core of my book Fierce Self-Compassion.

Research shows that self-compassion allows us to cope with emotional difficulty without being overwhelmed, helping to prevent anxiety, depression, shame, stress, post-traumatic stress syndrome, suicidal ideation, eating disorders, and a host of other negative outcomes.

And yet because the warmth of tender self-compassion feels good, it also increases positive outcomes like happiness, hope, and life satisfaction.

The three components of self-compassion – kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness – take on a particular form when we turn toward our pain with tenderness.

Kindness manifests as love. When are hearts are open, we can warmly embrace whatever arises in our experience with gentleness and care.

Recognition of common humanity provides a sense of connection.  By remembering that everyone experiences pain – that no one is perfect or leads a trouble-free life – we don’t feel so alone.

Mindfulness gives us the perspective needed to present with what is, rather than contracting in fear or shame.

I’ve created a 5-minute practice called the Tender Self-Compassion Break that can help you embody loving, connected presence when you’re hurting and need some comfort. I hope you enjoy it!