Equanimity in Self-Compassion Practice

There is so much suffering in the world it can feel overwhelming. The horrors of terrorism, of war, of innocents being killed, global warming, natural disasters that seemingly never stop. Our ability to use self-compassion to be with pain is one key to working with our feelings of intense grief and shock. Another helpful aspect of self-compassion is equanimity. Equanimity refers to the balance and calm that arises when we acknowledge human imperfection with an open heart. When we witness the suffering of others, we also suffer. Although we can and should do everything possible to prevent this suffering, world events are often out of our control.
In response to this feeling of impotence, we may shut down our hearts or tune out world events entirely because it’s too much to bear.

Even when the suffering occurs closer to home, like a family member who is ill or making poor life choices, our ability to control what happens is limited. Yet we often take responsibility for others’ wellbeing, blaming ourselves for not being able to fix things. The frustration at not being able to help may also lead us to shut down our hearts or tune out because it’s too much to bear.

The wisdom of self-compassion reminds us that we have human limitations, and although we can try our best, we can’t guarantee the mental, physical, or spiritual well-being of others. Self-compassion allows us to give up the illusion of control. Ironically, being humble in this way allows us to keep our hearts and minds open so that if there is an opportunity to help, we are better able to seize it.

There are some phrases we teach in the Self-Compassion for Healthcare Communities program to help caregivers remember the truth of equanimity, especially when they’re working with a patient who is suffering:

Everyone is on their own life journey.
I am not the cause of this person’s suffering,
nor is it entirely within my power to make it go away,
even though I wish I could.
Moments like this are difficult to bear,
yet I will still try to help if I can.

This wisdom of equanimity is crucial not only for caregivers, but to all humans who are impacted by the suffering of our fellow humans. Equanimity is often the missing puzzle piece that allows us to keep compassion flowing. It helps us to find the inner peace needed to be more effective agents of change in the world outside us.

I’m attaching a practice called Compassion with Equanimity in which we use the breath and equanimity phrases to give ourselves and others compassion. Although the instructions refer to a particular person who is suffering, you can use the practice to work with groups of people who are suffering or even entire nations.

To support you on your self-compassion journey, you can find additional practices, upcoming events, resources, and more information on self-compassion here.

I wish you peace in these troubled times.