Cultivating goodwill

One of the reasons so many people enjoy the holiday season is because it’s the season of goodwill. We wish each other well by giving gifts, sending holiday cards, baking cookies for neighbors, or donating to charity. Although it might be easy to dismiss these acts as perfunctory and superficial, there is a deeper wisdom here that’s worth paying attention to. In our busy, stressful lives, interpreted through brains designed by evolution to focus on problem-solving, feelings of goodwill are typically not in the foreground of our experience. Although, as mammals helping behavior is natural, this tendency is easily overridden by our instinct to continually defend against threats. That’s why we need to intentionally cultivate goodwill toward self and others as a practice.

Cultural traditions such as gift giving can help us symbolically focus on goodwill toward others, but usually don’t include a focus on giving to ourselves. In Buddhism, loving-kindness meditation involves repeating a series of phrases designed to strengthen the habit of benevolence to ourselves as well as others. Traditionally, well wishes are aimed at a series of targets in a particular order: oneself, a benefactor, a friend, a neutral person, a difficult person, and then all beings. It can be the hardest to aim goodwill inward, however, since most people tend to be cold and critical toward themselves. Given that our internal emotional landscape colors our experience 24/7, one could argue that it’s most important to direct goodwill inward. When we are kind and supportive with ourselves, we create a benevolent mindset that provides the resources to give to others. So, I’m including a guided loving-kindness practice designed to help you cultivate goodwill with a sequence that’s easier to follow. We start by sending our good wishes to a loved one we adore, like a grandparent or a pet. This gets the benevolence juices flowing. Then we extend our goodwill to ourselves AND our loved one (after all our relationships – by definition – include us!) Finally, we let the full focus of our goodwill land on ourselves.

I hope that this practice helps you build the muscle of loving-kindness and that its benefits flow to you and your loved ones.