This practice can be used to help motivate you to reach a goal or make a change.
Many of us believe that being hard on ourselves is the only way to stay motivated and succeed. We may think, “If I don’t push myself with harsh criticism, I’ll get lazy.” But research tells a very different story.
In fact, self-criticism tends to undermine motivation in the long run. When we berate ourselves for mistakes or setbacks, we create fear of failure, sap our confidence, and often give up more quickly. By contrast, self-compassion provides the emotional safety we need to keep trying, even when things don’t go as planned. Most importantly, it allows us to learn and grow from our mistakes rather than getting derailed by shame and anxiety.
Think about it: what type of coach is going to be most effective at motivating their athletes to achieve their best? A cruel coach that belittles and humiliates their players, or an encouraging coach that gives supportive, targeted feedback on how to improve?
One of my dissertation students, Ashley Kuchar, taught college sports teams from around the US to be self-compassionate when they made game errors or encountered setbacks in their training routines. She found that athletes not only improved in self-compassion and mental health compared to control participants, they also increased their athletic performance. (You can read our published study here.) Far from making us complacent, self-compassion fuels resilience and helps us reach our goals more effectively.
When the three components of self-compassion take a fierce, action-oriented form, they have an important role to play in enhancing our motivation and helping us be more productive.
Together, these qualities create a motivating inner voice that embodies encouraging, wise vision. Instead of tearing ourselves down when we stumble, we lift ourselves up and move forward with clarity and strength.
To help you experience this shift directly, I’ve created a short practice called the Motivating Self-Compassion Break. This practice will guide you in turning self-criticism into supportive energy you can use to realize your aspirations.
So maybe it’s time to retire that old coach inside who only knows how to “motivate” by calling you names and chewing you out. Instead, why not hire a new coach—one who’s wise, encouraging, gives clear guidance on how to up your game, and most importantly, truly believes in you?
